The extremely unintelligible title shows how my mind has rusted over time because of not writing here.
But I had to break this block that had built over time and kept on getting uncontrollably bigger. I want to talk about so many things and yet none is worth an entire post. I was writing my diary a few minutes ago and there I wrote, ‘the reason why I am unable to write something on my blog for a while is either I do not get the right words or I feel like I won’t be writing for the relevant readers’.
I think I was caught up in one of those loops where the longer you stay away from the blogosphere, the harder it gets to come back in again. You are actually avoiding to post something because you fear it would be stupid so you keep on thinking for a perfect restart yet the more awkward it keeps on getting the longer you do not write. Tautological.
It is then that you have to write such a post as this.
As much as I fear that this is going to be such a banal, uninteresting, even obtuse piece, it is also equally important in nature because this would immensely help me to get back on the writing track again.
And what else other than writing about my writings could be a better topic to write upon? (I know there is something wrong with that line). WordPress notified me that I had made 50 posts here. It was congratulating me on the achievement. And although I am not quite sure as to how come ranting, venting, bleeding, puking and pretending you know something on a digital platfrom could really count as an achievement, I am highly pleased and impressed by WordPress’ acknowledgement. One does not find that kind of encouragement elsewhere let alone a well-wished appreciation.
So maintaining my humble composure, as I usually do, I would like to thank myself (this time) for actually letting myself being me. I realized that I suppress my true self at a lot of places either because of some sacrifice I have to make for a loved one or because of societal norms or because I may get more virtues or sometimes simply because I cannot afford to be myself.
In writing however, I never gave up and as much as I am thankful to Allah and all the other people who helped me to get here, I am also proud of myself for not stifling the writer within me. Ever since I was a child, I loved reading and writing. Many of us do. Then most of us grow up and leave our hobbies behind. Most of us are encouraged by our parents and other family members to only seek this useless activity in leisure time. Some of us are even looked down upon, or just dismissed as misunderstood, hard to comprehend individuals of the society.
Fortunately I got a couple of those misunderstood, hard to comprehend individuals of the society as my friends and I entered this safe haven where I could freely write whatever and whenever I wanted without any time limits and word limits to take care of. I would like to thank all those friends and would have loved to put their names in here but today I want this post to be about me. I want to be a little selfish and narcisstic today.
These 50 posts on WordPress are 50 proofs of the writer that lives within me and the amusing part is I do not have to prove this writer to anyone else but myself. These 50 posts are an exhibition of my pain, relief, sadness, happiness, reflections and retrospections but above all they are the exhibition of my ability to weave words into sentences for all of us do feel, but all of us do not write. These 50 posts are an answer to my question which I made on the same blog of When would you write like a writer? These 50 posts are 50 power punches to all those who made me feel I was not good enough or that I was not meant for this or that studying Literature was an emotional decision or that although I could write but there will always be people who write better than me so I shouldn’t waste my time after all or even that writing was too hackneyed a concept which a productive person like me should not waste my intelligence on. Looks like I didn’t quite make a fool of myself, did I? These 50 posts are also an indicator of your love and encouragement. This your refers to all the readers who are reading these words right now. All my followers, all the silent readers, all the accidentally-dropped-on-this blog people; each and every one of you is responsible for this number 50. I know I am a sucker for motivation and encouragement and would have soon given up on maintaining this blog if it weren’t for all of you.
Thank you for sticking with me and thanks to myself for sticking to the writer in me. Sometimes one just needs to let it flow, to appreciate all the typing effort and thinking effort one makes to create a blog post. Sometimes its okay to be selfish and narcisstic. Sometimes one needs to write that first post to reach the 50th and sometimes one just has to start off with an unintelligible title to make it to the 51st post.
Upon reading it from the start, it doesn’t sound that bad after all;D
Happy blogging and stay tuned for more!:)