Remnants Of Ramadan

Note: The following post is mainly intended for Muslim readers, hence containing first person pronouns such as ‘we, us and others’. However anyone else in general, interested or curious, may feel free to read it^-^

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Most of the times we usually consider an ‘ending’ to anything good as sad or regretful. We usually connect endings with teary eyes, dull faces and longing sighs. On the other hand it is quiet the opposite when the end comes to a tyrannical rule, days of war or simply a malicious little pimple on the side of your cheek. One feels grateful, happy and relieved. It is however a bit different and same with Ramadan.

That’s the beauty of it. It leaves us sad but it ends with three joyous days of Eid. For whatever time I have spent on Earth, I have never witnessed such a paradox of sentiments within the same phenomenon. I might have experienced fractions of such a possibility at some instances but right now as I try to think hard, I can remember none.

What I experienced yesterday was very similar. I felt an immense sadness engulf me all over like a thick gray cloud because the days of bliss were over. That may sound exaggerated but I would be only dishonest to myself if I do not put it that way. I had emotionally and physically experienced a spiritual high, I had felt protected, less anxious and stronger during the month. Of course I do not force it upon any other Muslim in the world; it was just my own little experience. The realization that the inevitable end of the month had finally arrived made me feel so vulnerable, defenseless and melancholic. I really couldn’t just bring myself to the notion of celebrating Eid. All I could think of was could Eid really be this sad?

At the same time, however; I couldn’t help but feel a bit excited about the next day and as soon as it started, I slowly but surely gave in to the positive vibes of the joyful day. Even though Eid’s are not as home to introverts as they are to extroverts (as Farees puts it), I could still feel and observe the little spurts of joy throughout the day, Alhumdulillah. I would Insha’Allah write another post rounding up the happenings of all three days of Eid some other day but right now I want to come back to the actual purpose of the post.

In spite of all the reinvigorating and merry vibes of Eid, Ramadan is over and this year it has left me feeling a bit empty. It will not be wrong to say that I have been trying to hold on to the remnants of Ramadan. It does feel like a shield of protection has been lifted off and I can not help but miss the daily suhur, iftar, prayers and an air of holiness about my place. Perhaps what I will miss the most and have been largely uncertain about is the connection with the Almighty which had developed over the month. To put it very honestly, all of this is a highly individualized experience. Therefore, I do not expect anyone to relate. The reason why I am putting it here is just to give an outlet to the many feelings and thoughts which have left me quite confused and out of place.

However if there are still some Muslim brothers and sisters who ended up feeling the same, the next few words may comfort you a bit. If you feel like despite trying you were not able to make the most out of this month; if you feel that your Ramadan couldn’t be as picture perfect and neatly organized as many blogs posed it to be; if you feel like there still were days where you felt too drained (emotionally/physically) to maintain the soul in your worship; if you feel that you could have probably done away with a few more days of fasting and a few more days of earning extra thawab; if you feel like some of the days were simply wasted and some of the prayers you just could have made more-then do not tense yourself up or get anxious about it. It is okay.

Sometimes we try our best and do not get what we have been aiming for, sometimes we do not make half the efforts and end up with more than we have expected. The consequences in reality are just a step of ladder to what comes ahead. Your effort should be the actual source of contentment and so as long as you tried to make something out of this month, as long as you intended to perform acts of goodness and kindness; you did a great job. True the month is over and we are left feeling a little empty and suspended, there’s still something we can do.

Out of all those charities we made during the month, let’s not discontinue the one to that old lady who sits by the nearby shop. Of all the stray animals we fed during the month, let’s not stop hanging that water bowl for the birds. Of all those nawafils we offered during the month let’s not miss the two we prayed on Saturday nights. Of all the tasbeehs that we recited over the month, let’s make one of them our everyday habit. Of all the days we tried to restrain from lying and backbiting let’s select one day of the week when we would restrain from them throughout the year. Of all the Ramadan that we spent, let us keep a remnant or two of the Holy month for the rest of the year. With the hope that we are able to stick onto some of the good habits that we developed during the blissful month, I can safely conclude that even though the month of Ramadan has ended, we can still let it continue its existence in some aspect of our lives until we get to witness the next Ramadan Insha’Allah.

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50 Posts

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The extremely unintelligible title shows how my mind has rusted over time because of not writing here.

But I had to break this block that had built over time and kept on getting uncontrollably bigger. I want to talk about so many things and yet none is worth an entire post. I was writing my diary a few minutes ago and there I wrote, ‘the reason why I am unable to write something on my blog for a while is either I do not get the right words or I feel like I won’t be writing for the relevant readers’.

I think I was caught up in one of those loops where the longer you stay away from the blogosphere, the harder it gets to come back in again. You are actually avoiding to post something because you fear it would be stupid so you keep on thinking for a perfect restart yet the more awkward it keeps on getting the longer you do not write. Tautological.

It is then that you have to write such a post as this.

As much as I fear that this is going to be such a banal, uninteresting, even obtuse piece, it is also equally important in nature because this would immensely help me to get back on the writing track again.

And what else other than writing about my writings could be a better topic to write upon? (I know there is something wrong with that line). WordPress notified me that I had made 50 posts here. It was congratulating me on the achievement. And although I am not quite sure as to how come ranting, venting, bleeding, puking and pretending you know something on a digital platfrom could really count as an achievement, I am highly pleased and impressed by WordPress’ acknowledgement. One does not find that kind of encouragement elsewhere let alone a well-wished appreciation.

So maintaining my humble composure, as I usually do, I would like to thank myself (this time) for actually letting myself being me. I realized that I suppress my true self at a lot of places either because of some sacrifice I have to make for a loved one or because of societal norms or because I may get more virtues or sometimes simply because I cannot afford to be myself.

In writing however, I never gave up and as much as I am thankful to Allah and all the other people who helped me to get here, I am also proud of myself for not stifling the writer within me. Ever since I was a child, I loved reading and writing. Many of us do. Then most of us grow up and leave our hobbies behind. Most of us are encouraged by our parents and other family members to only seek this useless activity in leisure time. Some of us are even looked down upon, or just dismissed as misunderstood, hard to comprehend individuals of the society.

Fortunately I got a couple of those misunderstood, hard to comprehend individuals of the society as my friends and I entered this safe haven where I could freely write whatever and whenever I wanted without any time limits and word limits to take care of. I would like to thank all those friends and would have loved to put their names in here but today I want this post to be about me. I want to be a little selfish and narcisstic today.

These 50 posts on WordPress are 50 proofs of the writer that lives within me and the amusing part is I do not have to prove this writer to anyone else but myself. These 50 posts are an exhibition of my pain, relief, sadness, happiness, reflections and retrospections but above all they are the exhibition of my ability to weave words into sentences for all of us do feel, but all of us do not write. These 50 posts are an answer to my question which I made on the same blog of When would you write like a writer? These 50 posts are 50 power punches to all those who made me feel I was not good enough or that I was not meant for this or that studying Literature was an emotional decision or that although I could write but there will always be people who write better than me so I shouldn’t waste my time after all or even that writing was too hackneyed a concept which a productive person like me should not waste my intelligence on. Looks like I didn’t quite make a fool of myself, did I? These 50 posts are also an indicator of your love and encouragement. This your refers to all the readers who are reading these words right now. All my followers, all the silent readers, all the accidentally-dropped-on-this blog people; each and every one of you is responsible for this number 50. I know I am a sucker for motivation and encouragement and would have soon given up on maintaining this blog if it weren’t for all of you.

Thank you for sticking with me and thanks to myself for sticking to the writer in me. Sometimes one just needs to let it flow, to appreciate all the typing effort and thinking effort one makes to create a blog post. Sometimes its okay to be selfish and narcisstic. Sometimes one needs to write that first post to reach the 50th and sometimes one just has to start off with an unintelligible title to make it to the 51st post.

Upon reading it from the start, it doesn’t sound that bad after all;D

Happy blogging and stay tuned for more!:)